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Sunday, May 15, 2011

On Women and Independence.

First of all, I know that I must preface this post to clarify that I am not trying to offend anyone with what I am about to say, and I do realize that we each decide to lead our lives differently.  As humans we are all unique.  This of course, is just my point of view.

So, it seems that in my "old age", the most popular question that I am asked these days is, "When are you going to get married?"  Actually, maybe my age has nothing to do with it.  Perhaps it is the fact that I have been with the boyfriend for 6 years, 3 months and 4 days now.  The consensus is that obviously we should be getting married because that is far too long to simply date someone.


Suddenly I have become Kate Middleton- waiting for my prince to marry me so that we can be fruitful and propagate... you know- things I've been dreaming about since I was like, four.

I really hope that the apparent sarcasm was recognized there.

Has our universal society completely accepted the fact that people should be married, have children and assume the proper gender roles because it's "natural"?  I find this to be extremely frustrating.  Every time my mother tells me that by the time I reach 25 I will be considered an old maid, I cringe because that is NOT true (hi Mom.  just speaking the truth).

This does not mean that I am a raging feminist who never wants to get married, have kids or act like a mom.  It's the exact opposite.  My annoyance stems from the blatant disregard to what I am trying to do in life as an individual, as well as the position that females are usually forced to take within the family structure/our culture.

Here is my story...my timeline, goals, dreams and ideals that some people may not agree with.

When I was 19 and the boyfriend and I had been together for about three years, all I could think about was marriage and babies.  I mean, EVERYONE was getting married at this time, right out of high school.  I figured that this was the normal path to take.  I could be just like my mother- have kids, and let that be my job (again- NOTHING wrong with that, just telling a story here...).  I'm pretty sure I annoyed the crap out of the boyfriend and the last thing he wanted to do was be tied down before we were even in our twenties.

Then, I had a revelation.  You are only young once.  I am young now.  Why not take advantage of my youth while I still have it?  So, I am.  My looks will someday fade and my mind is still open and there are so many more things that I want to learn.  I am enjoying my "beauty", I am listening to what others have to say and I am learning all of those things.  It is amazing.

It's nice to stand on your own two feet.  I love the boyfriend and he is always there for me in whatever I do.  But, I think for myself at all times, while still remaining considerate to him and our relationship.  It seems like sometimes a woman's voice can get lost in the midst of a mans world (I know, I've been reading far too many books and I DID take a gender and sexuality class this semester).  It's not fair and I want to be different, and I want other women to be as well.

I would LOVE a dream wedding.  But, do you know what it takes to have a huge, beautiful wedding in a gorgeous location with all of your friends and family?

Money!  Since the boyfriend and I have been together for so long, I am certain that his fears regarding how extravagant our wedding will be (or how much of a bridezilla I could be) have exited his mind and the only concern we have is how much everything will cost.  I'm not going to lie... I (ahem- we) will have a wedding of epic proportion if everything goes as planned.  

Well, why haven't we gotten engaged?

If I'm not mistaken, that costs money too.  (Like a lot of money- nudge, nudge, wink, wink for anyone who might speak with the boyfriend...I joke.  sort of.)

I hate to continue returning back to my mother again, but I do need to mention that she is quite certain that when the boyfriend and I do finally get married, I will have reached an age where birthing children will be impossible.  

Let me just say, I'm 23 now.  The latest I would wait would be until I'm 30 (*gasp*) and if for some reason God decides that I can't have a child of my own, there are like a million out there who need to be adopted.  Problem solved.  

And last of all is everything that is holding me back from the "family" life- college, my pride, fear of independence being suddenly taken out of my life, etc etc.  I am most definitely going to pursue my masters degree... I would be so lucky if I am able to earn my phD at some point.  I see a sparkling, bright career in my near future that I intend to thoroughly enjoy.  After all, that is how I intend on making the aforementioned money needed to live comfortably.  And, I will have to break through my personal fear of becoming an eternal SAHM on my own.  Who knows?  Things could change for me in just one minute and my feelings might be different about the topic someday.  But, for now, I am determined to do what I want.  

I have to say that I admire one of my best friends for being an amazing mother to her children, while still pursuing the things that she loves to do (love you, April).  There are many other people I know who are forced to settle and get jobs they hate to take care of their family or they simply resign themselves to watching Jerry Springer all day long.  

So, my words of "wisdom" (as a person who has been in a relationship for forever) are:

Life is never certain.  Mistakes happen.  Just because you're with someone does not mean you are one person in every way.  Think for yourself.  Don't worry so much about everyone else (one of my biggest faults right there).  There is nothing wrong with doing what you want, as long as it really is what you desire and not what your friends, family, or even society say is the right thing to do.

xo- angelica

Images courtesy of Pinterest


  1. got to say, this is a very intelligently written post, and i absolutely agree with you. xx